I got a message from an interested reader, “G”, this morning:
“I guess i’m most interested in the intersection between therapy and play. Can pleasure and traditional phone sex be therapeutic?”
My background is in sex therapy, and I’ve only been doing phone sex for a few months, so this is a question I’ve been exploring quite intensely in recent times.
I am Australian but living in the US. I don’t need to have a license to practic sex therapy in many states, but I do like to have the professional credibility that a license gave me when I practiced in Australia. So I went back to school here in the US, and was looking around for some work to do while I was studying. I woke up one night remembering that a few years ago an Australian girlfriend of mine introduced me to NiteFlirt. It didn’t work for me then, but I had an epiphany – I could be a phone sex therapist!!!!
I immediately discovered an intersection between sex therapy and phone sex. I find that many of my callers want to talk about their issue or concern, or their relationship, or their fetish or other sexual behavior – often it’s a combination of all of those things. When I used to work purely as a sex therapist, that’s where it would end – at talking. Which is how it should be – I only mention it here because I don’t want to give the impression that a sex therapist goes off getting all horny with their clients, as that would be a gross ethical violation. However, as a phone sex therapist, I’m not bound by those constraints – it’s expected that my work will be a mix of flirting, horniness and helpfulness.
A lot of my calls begin with a caller telling me all about his issue or fantasy or fetish. This is pretty normal for phone sex, but I do think that because I’m a therapist quite a lot of callers go deeper into their history and their particular sexual thrills – particularly if they become long term callers, and especially if they have an issue they want to work through.
Sometimes that’s where the call ends. I do have callers who just do therapy with me. However more callers are happy to be excited talking about their sexual stuff, and at some point of the call we’ll move into constructing a fantasy about the stuff they are telling me.
This can also be very therapeutic. Imagine a man who has dreamed of performing a particular sexual act – maybe he’s fantasized about sucking cock. Yet he feels guilty and confused about it. In the first place, I can help him explore his history around fantasies about sucking cock, and even actual experiences. I can normalize it – plenty of guys have these fantasies, no it doesn’t have a particular meaning about you and your identity (you could be gay or bi, or you could just enjoy fantasizing about sucking cock), and you might only want to explore it in certain contexts (such as with your wife or girlfriend present). Then we can move into a fantasy where we are in my therapy office and in the fantasy I perch on the desk in my heels and stocking and oh-so-professional short suit skirt, and I tell him I want to explore these fantasies in real life. I bring in one of my male friends who I know has a gorgeous cock, and in the fantasy I tell the caller to suck it. We get to explore his reactions to that fantasy together; especially what part of the scenario makes him cum.
Of course once he has an orgasm, the call is usually done. Not many people want to do therapy right after an orgasm, lol. However, I do note how the call went and what I observed about his reactions, and the next time he calls we have some more stuff to talk about, exploring why he reacted that way and how certain things turned him on more and others not so much.
Then there’s the “swing” style of using therapy and play alternately. I have a variety of listings, but you can see this style most clearly in my FinancialDomination listing. I have a lot of guys come to me desperate to find a way to NOT give up their findomme addiction, and yet to keep it to a manageable level. I enjoy being the kittie-cat to their mousie, alternately letting the mouse run, thinking it is free, and then grabbing it back with my claws and teaching it Who is Mistress. I can use play to satisfy the overwhelming needs of his addiction, and use the authority as Therapist and Mistress to start redirecting the addiction in ways that serve more than harm the man and his life. Depending on which listing the caller calls me on, my role can vary vastly. As one caller said in his feedback “I still don’t know if she wants to help me or manipulate me, and that is highly arousing to me.”
I asked one of my wee mousies to comment on this as I was writing this entry. To G’s question he said “I felt Miss Annalise understood the depth of my addiction by getting down to the lowest levels of the hold the monster had on me. I felt she was not judging me, and that she even got sexually excited along with me. I felt she could untangle my various forms of sexual addiction, and focused in on the one that threatened my marriage, career and social standing so that it had to be countered entirely, whereas the others could be brought to something I play with as long as I am within the limits that we set together for it…. You monitored me…Through play you and Mistress Celeste* keep looking for play that is exciting and explores other avenues of pleasure, other outlets for my masochism. So that is a strong alternative to the habits of my past.”
As a phone sex therapist I reach a lot of therapy clients who I might not reach otherwise. I get to work unconventionally with people for whom more conventional treatments might not work.
Above all, I get a lot of play, some very satisfying sex, and get to help people as well. Who can ask more than that of their life? 🙂
[* Mistress Celeste (LadyMirth on NiteFlirt) is a mistress who I sometimes work closely with to help a caller meet their needs from different sources.]