Online vs Real Life D/s

Everyone has an opinion as to which kind of D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship is better: online or real time. Online purists play up their self-discipline and devotion, saying that is much more challenging, and therefore more meaningful, to be faithful to your Master/Mistress in an online relationship than it is in real time. Real-time purists play up the intense, immediate nature of the relationship, saying that real time is much more satisfying because having your Master/Mistress punish you is more satisfying than punishing yourself at the command of someone far away.

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Image7_cleanedIn my opinion, online D/s relationships are good for people with busy lives that don’t have time for real time relationships. Most people desire the intensity of a real-time relationship, but either can’t find someone or don’t have the time to devote to face to face interactions, or they actually want a relationship that is less intense and much more part-time than a real-life D/s relationship often is – and that’s perfectly okay. An online D/s relationship can suit someone who is already in a real-time relationship where their D/s needs are not being met – although I always encourage this in the context of being honest with your partner. It can also be a way of meeting those needs when you live in a small or conservative community where you cannot be “out” as kinky. An online D/s relationship can also be a good way of exploring what you want out of dominance or submission – but keep in mind that an online relationship lives mostly in a fantasy world, and what you want in fantasy can often be very different from what you want in reality.

Playing by yourself, at the direction of the dominant, can require a great deal of self-restraint and self-discipline. When entering a long distance D/s relationship, the aspect that a submissive probably worries about most is how he/she is going to experience the full effect of his/her dominant’s presence when he/she isn’t with the dominant? There is no right answer to this, but there are a variety of games/activities that should please both parties.

Image10_cleanedIn my opinion, real-time relationships have the advantage of intense, ongoing intimacies of a relationship. Punishment becomes immediate. There is a distinct difference between punishing yourself and having your master/mistress punishing you. It meets a craving for human contact and loss of control.

As we all know, BDSM is open to endless interpretations depending on those involved. It is not for me to tell anyone that their way of submitting is not as strong, not as intimate, not as connected or somehow lacking. As submissives I’ve worked with will tell you (see my feedback), I put a lot of effort into making my relationships intense and enduring – if that’s what we both want.

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