“Monogamish”

My friend said she was “monogamish” with her boyfriend. What does that mean?

Coined by Dan Savage, this term is used to describe a relationship where both parties are primarily monogamous, but are free to engage in sexual relationships with other people, as long as their partner gives informed consent. Informed consent includes drug, mental health  and STI information about the potential new sexual partner.

This kind of relationship gives both partners the leeway to explore sexual desires that they know their partner can’t fulfill or isn’t interested in. It also teaches them to communicate their desire more explicitly, specifically and consistently.

Venturing outside the relationship sexually requires trust in the relationship. Neither party is having sex with outside people without the informed consent of their partner, so the necessity for talking about risk factors, both physical and emotional, is a requirement for this arrangement.

Jealousy can also be an issue. But implicit, and sometime explicit in the agreement made, is the idea that if this outside sexual arrangement is disrupting the relationship, then the outside sexual arrangement ends.