Tag Archives: relationship

Foot/Shoe Fetish: Coming Out to a Partner

If you want to confess to a loved one that you have a foot fetish, you want to ease into the revelation.

You don’t need to get technical … at least not at first. Describing your love of feet as a “fetish” or a “paraphilia” can make it seem more strange than it needs to be. Discussing it with your partner/partners sometime between your first date and a serious commitment is best. This way, if your partner reacts negatively, you can decide whether you really want to be in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to express your fetish.

Try making it about her feet, rather than about feet in general. Saying something like “Wow you have gorgeous feet!” and asking if she would like to have a foot massage is most appropriate at first. If that goes fine, move on to touching your partner’s feet during foreplay – seeing how he/she reacts is a good gauge to see what they like and don’t like. If touching seems to evoke a positive reaction, try massaging, both inside and outside sexual contexts.

Stay away from things like licking and sucking at first – these sensations can be intense. Once you do try them with a partner, even if your fetish is for dirty or stinky feet, it can be a good idea to do it first in a context of clean feet – in a bathtub or hot tub, after a shower or after bathing her feet. Many people feel that their feet are a little disgusting from being in shoes or on the ground, and while that might appeal to you, it might be a turn-off for them. If you love dirty or stinky feet, take a while to ease into enjoying them in their natural filthy state.

Call Button

Of course – if you have a very dominant or kinky partner, you may be able to take things a lot faster than described above.

If your partner asks questions about your love of feet or shoes, be gentle in your explanation, but be truthful. Make sure your partner knows that you love and desire her, and not just her feet or shoes.  React appropriately to your partner’s feelings. It is most likely that your partner will want more information or need some time to process what you have told them. If your partner is hesitant or negative, then it might be an idea to stay away from her feet the next time you are intimate and ask permission the next time you touch her feet. Let her feel in control of the experience.

However, if your partner is overwhelmingly negative about your fetish, it might be time for you to decide whether this is the relationship for you. However, if you’ve just come out about your fetish to a long term partner who you want to stay with, you might want to ask her if you can explore the boundaries of what is acceptable to her. A partner who is grossed out by the thought of touching her feet to your genitals might be just fine with regular foot massages before sex as part of foreplay. It might also be appropriate for you to see a sex therapist as a couple so that you can have some help in finding middle ground on something that is a very important part of your sexual makeup.

A similar approach can be taken if you have a shoe fetish.

Feel free to give me a call to discuss your fetish and how you are thinking of introducing it to a new or current partner. Sometimes talking it out can be very useful.

Call Button

“Monogamish”

My friend said she was “monogamish” with her boyfriend. What does that mean?

monogamish_cleanedCoined by Dan Savage (sex writer extraordinaire!) this term is used to describe a relationship where both parties are primarily monogamous, but are free to engage in sexual relationships with other people, as long as their partner gives informed consent. Informed consent includes drug, mental health  and STI information about the potential new sexual partner.

This kind of relationship gives both partners the leeway to explore sexual desires that they know their partner can’t fulfill or isn’t interested in. It also teaches them to communicate their desire more explicitly, specifically and consistently.

Venturing outside the relationship sexually requires trust in the relationship. Neither party is having sex with outside people without the informed consent of their partner, so the necessity for talking about risk factors, both physical and emotional, is a requirement for this arrangement.

Jealousy can also be an issue. But implicit, and sometime explicit in the agreement made, is the idea that if this outside sexual arrangement is disrupting the relationship, then the outside sexual arrangement ends.

Call Button