Category Archives: Foot & Shoe

Foot/Shoe Fetish: Coming Out to a Partner

If you want to confess to a loved one that you have a foot fetish, you want to ease into the revelation.

You don’t need to get technical … at least not at first. Describing your love of feet as a “fetish” or a “paraphilia” can make it seem more strange than it needs to be. Discussing it with your partner/partners sometime between your first date and a serious commitment is best. This way, if your partner reacts negatively, you can decide whether you really want to be in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to express your fetish.

Try making it about her feet, rather than about feet in general. Saying something like “Wow you have gorgeous feet!” and asking if she would like to have a foot massage is most appropriate at first. If that goes fine, move on to touching your partner’s feet during foreplay – seeing how he/she reacts is a good gauge to see what they like and don’t like. If touching seems to evoke a positive reaction, try massaging, both inside and outside sexual contexts.

Stay away from things like licking and sucking at first – these sensations can be intense. Once you do try them with a partner, even if your fetish is for dirty or stinky feet, it can be a good idea to do it first in a context of clean feet – in a bathtub or hot tub, after a shower or after bathing her feet. Many people feel that their feet are a little disgusting from being in shoes or on the ground, and while that might appeal to you, it might be a turn-off for them. If you love dirty or stinky feet, take a while to ease into enjoying them in their natural filthy state.

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Of course – if you have a very dominant or kinky partner, you may be able to take things a lot faster than described above.

If your partner asks questions about your love of feet or shoes, be gentle in your explanation, but be truthful. Make sure your partner knows that you love and desire her, and not just her feet or shoes.  React appropriately to your partner’s feelings. It is most likely that your partner will want more information or need some time to process what you have told them. If your partner is hesitant or negative, then it might be an idea to stay away from her feet the next time you are intimate and ask permission the next time you touch her feet. Let her feel in control of the experience.

However, if your partner is overwhelmingly negative about your fetish, it might be time for you to decide whether this is the relationship for you. However, if you’ve just come out about your fetish to a long term partner who you want to stay with, you might want to ask her if you can explore the boundaries of what is acceptable to her. A partner who is grossed out by the thought of touching her feet to your genitals might be just fine with regular foot massages before sex as part of foreplay. It might also be appropriate for you to see a sex therapist as a couple so that you can have some help in finding middle ground on something that is a very important part of your sexual makeup.

A similar approach can be taken if you have a shoe fetish.

Feel free to give me a call to discuss your fetish and how you are thinking of introducing it to a new or current partner. Sometimes talking it out can be very useful.

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Foot/Shoe Fetishism

Foot fetishes and shoe fetishes are surprisingly commonplace, and not only amongst those who identify as kinky.

It seems that many men, and women too, find something highly erotic about feet and footwear. It doesn’t seem to matter whether you are dominant or submissive, male or female. Some are into the footwear itself, and others find the eroticism in the fact that the footwear encases the foot of a lady – there seems to be a connection between the foot and the psychological connection that, if she wanted to, the lady could walk all over him, barefoot or suitably shod.

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To some people, feet are about the biggest turn-on imaginable. A 2007 study published in the International Journal of Impotence Research found that feet (and their little piggies) were the most highly fetishized body part, with nearly half of the thousands of survey respondents choosing them over all others. Some men like to see pictures of feet, some men like to touch/rub feet, some men like to lick/kiss feet and some men like “footjobs”.

Why? No one is entirely sure.  Some suggest it may simply be that feet lead to legs, and legs lead to genitals. There are some that say the turn on has to do with the assumed dirtiness of feet. They are what we walk around on all day, the very bottom of our body. It’s a taboo and taboo equals turn on.

The most recent research seems to indicate that the area of the brain that is designed to recognize the form and sensation of genitals is right next to the part of the brain that is designed to recognize the form and sensation of feet. Dr Ramachandran of the University of California noted that “phantom limb syndrome” in amputees was sometimes associated with perceiving sexual pleasure in the missing limb.

Shoe fetishes are one of the most commonly encountered in the inanimate-object realm. This fetish is experienced by mostly men, mostly about high heels and sometimes about his partner wearing them during sex. There may be women out there with this fixation, but the majority of shoe fetishists (and fetishists in general, in fact), are men.

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