Category Archives: Cuckold

Cuckolding in Nature

A 2001 study of a species of bird (Collared Flycatchers) revealed sperm competition as a source of natural selection. The researchers established the secondary sex characteristics of male Flycatchers, to see which males gathered the most female attention. They were able to determine that the most attractive males were the ones who had the largest white patches on their foreheads.

sperm wars - woman biting lip_cleanedThis is seen in most species of animal. In humans, analogous secondary sex characteristics might be facial masculinity (square jaw, prominent “adams apple”, cleft chin etc), body smell, masculine (deep) voice qualities, and behavioral displays of sexual competitiveness with other males. The biggest indicator of general attractiveness in human beings is the symmetry of ones features, especially facial features.

Let’s go back to the birds for a bit…

So – males with a large patch are more attractive to females. Let’s call them “superior males”, as opposed to the “inferior males” with the smaller forehead patches.

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Like a lot of animals, female Flycatchers pair-bond to a mate of the opposite sex in order to raise her or their offspring. The female wants to choose the most genetically superior mate – the best-looking male. So she will do her best to attract a superior male.

sperm wars - woman looking over shoulder at phone_cleanedIf the female fails to attract a superior male, she will settle for an inferior male. However, when a female is mated to an inferior male, the study showed there was a high chance that in the two days before she started laying eggs she would stop her mate from having intercourse with her, and would instead seek sex with a superior male or males.

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The only females in the study who stayed completely faithful to their mates were the ones with superior males as mates. 40% of the total population of Collared Flycatchers mated with at least one male who was not their mate.

A study of human females showed similar results. The 2005 study showed that women become much more attracted to men she perceives as superior, when she is ovulating or in the fertile phase of her cycle. This particular study showed that a woman’s attraction to her mate, no matter how superior he was, remained fairly constant through her cycle, though other studies have shown an increase in attraction to her mate (particularly to a superior mate) during the fertile phase of her cycle.

sperm wars - three on bench_cleanedThe benefits to a female of breeding with a superior male are obvious – she gets his superior genes to pass on to her offspring.

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The downside for a female Collared Flycatcher is that her mate will help more with raising her offspring if he is more sure that they are his. This is offset by the fact that the inferior male Flycatchers were generally better at parenting than the superior males were in the first place.

The 2005 study points out a similar problem for human females – that even though she may get superior genes, if her partner is jealous of her having sex with another, superior partner, then that jealousy lasts throughout her whole cycle, and may lessen his willingness to support her in raising her children.

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One factor that probably affects human females over birds is the comparatively long child-rearing phase that humans have. It is a bigger risk to a human female to lose the support of their partner than it is for a Flycatcher, whose offspring-rearing duties only extend for a few months. So sex with a superior partner is just as desirable for women, but less likely in practice.

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sperm wars - woman on phone_cleanedThe conclusion of the 2005 study is particularly interesting:

Imagine an experiment that will never be done, one that parallels Rice’s (1996) seminal work on sexually antagonistic coevolution. Suppose that women were allowed to evolve in response to men but men not allowed to adapt to women. After many generations, women would likely gain an edge in the conflicts between the sexes—possibly evolving better means of circumventing male vigilance, reducing the costs of obtaining genetic benefits through extra-pair mating and, accordingly, doing so more often. Alternatively, if men but not women were allowed to evolve, men might evolve better means of detecting women’s ovulation and avoiding cuckoldry, thereby reducing the frequency of women’s extra-pair sex. Of course, neither scenario has occurred; the sexes have coevolved and, most likely, both sex’s genetic interests are compromised by adaptations of the other sex. The mating strategies and tactics of both sexes have possibly undergone substantial revision through rounds of adaptation, counter-adaptation, counter–counter adaptation, etc.

I’ll freely admit I have no studies to back up my own conclusions here (please let me know if you find something for me!). All this makes me wonder about whether cuckolding fetishes are the next evolutionary leap…. backwards, in a way, for men – giving women the evolutionary advantage of being able to gain the genetic benefits AND keep the support of a partner. Polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy may also support women in this way.

Hmmm, I’ll have to give it some more thought. It sounds good to me!

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Cuckolding Question: Part Two (Telling your wife The Fantasy)

Last week CUCK asked the following question:

Dear Miss Annalise,

I have a fantasy for years. My wife puts me in the closet and I watch her with a black guy. Then she gets me out and makes me do stuff and makes fun of my tiny cock. Is this really wrong and should I tell her I want to do it and why do I want it?

– Can’t Understand Craving Kink


Dear CUCK –

Should you tell your wife? If so, how should you go about it?

I help quite a few guys out with this.

My very first advice on this is to have patience and move things slowly. If you have never told your wife anything at all about how you fantasize about sitting in the chair beside your bed and watching that enormous cock pressing against her pussy lips, slowly stretching her out, making her back arch in ecstasy with rock hard nipples and mouth parted in an Ohhhhhhhhhh! – then telling her right out is probably not the best idea… especially if she doesn’t like the idea.

So step one is to work out how receptive your wife is to kink in general, and this kink in particular. With callers I’ll often go over their history of kink – how vanilla or straight has their relationship been so far? Have you ever talked to your wife about this fantasy, even a little? Has she ever cheated on you or had an affair – and if so what happened and does she know you know about it?

If I get some details from you about your specific circumstances I can give you my best guess as to whether she might be up for a cuckolding relationship.

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Step two is determining exactly what you want. Cuckolding takes many forms. You may like all sorts of cuckolding relationships, or your desires might be very specific. If you call me we can work through some role plays and fantasies, dig deeper into your mind and find what you really want from this – and more importantly what you don’t want. For example, you may desperately want a cuckolding relationship, but only if you get to either watch or hear the details later. Or you may want your wife to cheat on you, but want the delicious despair of never knowing when or how, or what or with whom – to just have her drop hints and have you buy her new lingerie when she takes a new lover. Some things to consider:
•Do you want to watch (secretly or openly)?
•Do you want to hear details, or general things, or nothing?
•Do you want her to have a lover, a fuck buddy, or a casual encounter? Do you want to know how she feels about him?
•Do you love the humiliation or embarrassment of it – and if so, do you want her (or me) to rub it in that she’s getting some great cock that you can’t provide for her?
•Do you want to be dominant or submissive in your cuckolding experience? Most guys who call me are submissively inclined, but some guys like a dominant experience, choosing the lover their woman will take and controlling more of the scene. Her submission to him becomes part of her submission to you.
•Are you into him at all – do you want a (forced or voluntary) bi experience? Do you want to fuck him together, or to enjoy him separately? How far do you want to go? (and of course all of this is a completely different level of assessing your wife’s comfort with this aspect of your sexuality).

Above all, do you want this to be a fantasy, or a shared fantasy, or a reality? This is really important. Because you fantasize so strongly about this right now, you might be so focused on it becoming a reality that you don’t think about how it could become a very rich part of your fantasy life. Fantasies risk so much less than trying to play this out in reality. When you play out a cuckold fantasy in real life, a lot of the control goes out of your hands. It is your wife cuckolding you, and what if she wants something a little or even vastly different from what you want in your fantasy right now? Not playing it out in reality doesn’t mean that your cuckolding fantasy cannot be shared. There are many ways that you can play with it in fantasy. Imagine you and your wife coming home from an evening out and discussing a gentleman who was watching her, or even sitting at opposite ends of the bar so you can watch men approach her so that you can fantasize later about what she might have done with them if she had taken them back to your hotel room. Or you can just fantasize about it before or during mutual masturbation with your wife.

The next step depends a lot on your answers in this first part, so please do call me to fine tune things. I can give you examples of how others have dealt with this, and give you more of a woman’s insight into how your proposal might go across.

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If you can’t call right now, some suggestions I can give are:

•Ask her about her own fantasies first. Say you were reading something that was talking about fantasies and that a lot of couples don’t talk about their fantasies that they have during sex, and that you were wondering who or what else she thinks about during sex. Accept whatever answer she gives you, but also be ready for her to ask you in return.
•It always pays to play coy with sharing your fantasies. If your wife does ask you about your fantasies, you can always act embarrassed (you might actually be embarrassed) and say you’ll think about it. Then you have a better chance that she will chase you to find out your fantasy than the other way around.
•Focus on recent fantasies rather than as something you’ve had ongoing for years. I’m not saying to lie, but to perhaps think of some instance such as a particularly horny dream you had about your wife being fucked by that big black cock, and tell her you woke up so horny from that dream and now you’ve been thinking about that for days. Later on you can tell her of other experiences, dreams or fantasies you’ve had. The “dream” scenario is good because it means if she reacts very badly to it you can take it back as “only a dream” and say that you’ve also been disturbed by that thought (which you have, just pleasantly disturbed!)

Lastly, what do you do if your wife does react badly to the idea? Well, again that depends on her reaction, how “bad” it is, and whether there’s any chance that you can amend or reintroduce your suggestion at some point in the future. That’s one reason I strongly suggest approaching the topic very delicately and slowly. I have clients who ring me every week for a progress report on how they are doing and suggestions for their next step, and some of them have success after many months of slow patient devoted work on getting their wives to cuckold them.

Good luck with it, and give me a call if you want some help in working out a plan to have all your dreams come true! 🙂

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Cuckolding Question, Part One (is it “wrong”?)

Dear Miss Annalise,

I have a fantasy for years. My wife puts me in the closet and I watch her with a black guy. Then she gets me out and makes me do stuff and makes fun of my tiny cock. Is this really wrong and should I tell her I want to do it and why do I want it?

– Can’t Understand Craving Kink


Dear CUCK –

Cuckolding fantasies are wonderful, aren’t they?

I would have to talk to you to get more to the bottom of why you would like your wife to fuck another guy. Feel free to call me anytime about it.

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However, I can give some general reasons which might help you to think about why this fantasy is particularly powerful for you.

1. Small cock fantasies: you mentioned your “tiny cock”. I have a lot of guys call me up about their penis size. Since I’m both a qualified sexual counselor and a phone sex actress, I find this one tricky. Do they want me to tell them the honest statistical truths, do they want to know my personal preferences, or do they want the fantasy – where I tell them they are inadequate and that only an enormous phallus will ever get to penetrate me, not that ridiculously small thing they are grasping so desperately while talking to me.

If that last sentence excited you, chances are you want to work more with fantasy than reality. Just let me know at the beginning of the call, I can play to that for you. Reality is that the average penis size in the US is 5.1 inches, and that’s just fine for most women. Statistically speaking, women say they prefer sexual intimacy over orgasm

However, if you are looking to please a particular type of women, things are very different. There are women who are very much size queens and who won’t have sex with anything smaller than a certain size. You might be fantasizing that you are married to one – or maybe you really are married to a Size Queen.

Your cock may or may not be the preferred size for your wife. She might not care. She might care. The only way to know is to ask. I suspect though, that you’d rather fantasize about it. I’ve had clients with eight inch cocks want to fantasize about being “too small” and to be humiliated for it while their wives laugh and writhe on a truly monster cock. Your actual size is often irrelevant to this fantasy.

2. Humiliation or embarrassment. These are very powerful emotions. The humiliation of being inadequate. The embarrassment of having to sit aside (or even be shoved in a closet) while a real man does the work of satisfying your wife. Any powerful emotion combined with sexual feelings makes for a very very powerful orgasm. It’s easy to get addicted to that feeling. However, you might find that over time you have to fantasize about more and more extreme things in order to get the same high as before, because the mind gets desensitized to the images you created in the beginning. Wanting to turn this from fantasy to reality might be part of that desire to increase your sexual “high”.

3. Making you “do stuff”. Interesting that you didn’t name exactly what she wanted you to do. In your fantasy does she make you “fluff” his cock – to stimulate it with your mouth or hands to get it ready for her? Does she make you put it inside of her? Does she make you clean her genitals (or his) before or after sex? Or does she make you do things that point out you are excluded – such as making you sit in a corner or beside her. Or does she make you do things with him – such as having him fuck you? All these things are parts of some people’s fantasies about cuckolding. Some people like a forced bisexual experience. Others don’t. What’s your preference, and how strong is that preference?

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Is it “wrong”?

This is a bit of a simplistic question. Whether wanting to be cuckolded is immoral, “bad” or undesirable is something only you can decide. I can’t tell you. I can help you to explore your personal values about different aspects of the situation you desire and help you to dicover where they might clash with those values. This can help you make decisions about what elements of fantasy you want to keep and which ones you might want to steer away from.

As for whether you should tell your wife… that’s a whole other issue. I’m out of time for writing this week though, let me get back to you on that one next week. I’ll link to it here. 🙂

Thanks for your question, CUCK. I’ve sent you three free minutes to talk to me. Thank you for supplying your NiteFlirt username when you wrote to me here so that I could do that.

Until we talk in person!


Miss Annalise

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[You can read part 2 here.]