Category Archives: Fetish & Kink

Tools for Telling – The Fantasy Dream

I get a lot of calls from people who want to tell a fantasy to a partner, but they are scared to do so.

It’s a valid concern. Once you’ve told your partner what you are into sexually, you can’t take it back. If it causes problems in your relationship, if your partner is squicked-out by your revelation, it’s almost impossible to back down.

There are some covert ways of checking out your partner’s reaction to your fetish. This one works particularly well if she has absolutely no idea what you are into.

First – you need to have some idea about what your fetish means to you. Many fetishes and fantasies have lots of layers. You may fantasize about what you really want to do, or you may want the fantasy to only stay in your head, and maybe to play with the idea verbally during sex. You might want something in between – like the guy who wants his wife to fuck him with a strap-on and tell him to imagine that it’s a real cock. Or maybe she just wants him to finger himself, or for her to finger his arse while they do other sex talk and play.

Your reasons behind your fetish can be important too. In the above example, the fantasy might be about dominance or bisexuality, or just how great anal sex feels especially for guys (yes, I have prostate envy). It’s important to know, because once you open up about your fantasy, your partner will probably have questions. Feel free to give me a call to talk about your fantasies and what they might mean to you in practical terms.

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The Dream

One way of introducing an idea to your partner is to pretend to have a dream about it. If you’re spending a lot of time fantasizing, chances are you don’t even pretend to have a dream. Wait until a time when your partner is in a fairly relaxed mood – in the morning can be good, because that’s when it’s most logical to talk about a dream. Mention you just had the weirdest hot dream. If they don’t ask you about the dream, now may not be the time to introduce it. You can always wait until another time and say “Hey, remember that dream I had? I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’d love to share it with you and see what you think.”

When your partner is ready, share the most basic simple form of your fantasy that you can. If you’re dreaming of deep throating your partners stiletto heels, maybe start with a dream you had of kissing and licking her toes through her peep-toes first. Try and tell it as neutrally as you can while you wait for your partner’s reaction.

Your partner’s reaction determines what you will do next.

The great thing about the Fantasy Dream is that if your partner reacts extremely negatively, to the point that you think you will never be able to introduce this idea in even its basic idea to your relationship, then you can simply say “Yeah, I wonder what movie my mind got that from! That’s so fucked up!” Then you can go and have a think about what impact this will have on you and your relationship if you can’t play this out within your relationship.

If your partner reacts only slightly negatively, there’s still some hope that you might be able to introduce the topic in the future. Keep in mind that just talking about sex is something that most people find terribly difficult. Your partner may not be reacting to your revelation, but to their own discomfort with talking about anything sexual.

Then, of course, there is the chance that your partner will react positively. If you’re very lucky, they will initiate incorporating some of it into your sex life.

If you want to discuss any of this with me, feel free to call me any time that I am available:

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List of Fetishes

There are many different fetish lists online. Honestly, the list of fetishes is infinite – people can get turned on by practically anything.

I’m going to be updating this entry over time. I recently got my hands on a copy of “Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual Practices”, which has the world’s most comprehensive current list of documented fetishes. I am gradually adding in the items from there, as well as definitions from a multitude of other online lists. Enjoy!

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[* Niteflirt forbids discussions of certain topics. Items marked with * might not be able to be discussed through that site.]

A
Abasiophilia – Love of (or sexual attraction to) people who use leg braces or other orthopedic appliances
Ablutophilia – Baths or showers
Acarophilia – Scratching
Achluophilia – Arousal from darkness.
Acomoclitic – Hairless genitals (see gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Acousticophilia – Arousal from certain sounds (particularly someone screaming in agony).
Acrophilia – High places
Acousticophilia – Aroused by sounds
Acrotomophilia – Amputee partner
Actirasty – Exposure to the sun’s rays
Adolescentilism* – Arousal from cross-dressing, or playing the role of an adolescent.
Afophilia – Sexual stimulation via touch
Agalmatophilia/Pygmalionism – Statues/manikins or immobility
Agonophilia – Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay
Agoraphilia – Sex in public places
Agrexophilia – Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities
Aichmophilia – arousal from needles or other pointed objects
Ailurophilia* – Deriving sexual satisfaction from cats (Also Aelurophilia).
Akophilia – sexual stimulation through hearing.
Albutophilia – Arousal from water
Algolagnia/Algalagnia/Algophilia – Love of pain – either of inflicting physical or emotional pain on another, or desiring to receive it oneself.
Allopellia – Having an orgasm from watching others have sex.
Allorgasmia – Fantasizing about someone other than one’s partner
Allotriorasty – Partners of other nations or races
Alphmegamia – Older men or attraction to partners of another age group.
Altocalciphilia – High heels (see retifism)
Alvinolagnia – Stomachs (see partialism)
Amatripsis – Masturbation by rubbing labia together.
Amaurophilia – Partner who is unable to see them during sex, blind/blindfolded sex partner
Amaxophilia -Attraction to riding in cars or vehicles
Amelotasis – Attraction to someone who has lost a limb.

Anaclitism – Activities or items one was exposed to as an infant
Anasteemaphilia – Taller or shorter partners
Androidism – Robots with human features
Anophelorastia – Defiling or ravaging a partner
Antholagnia – Floral scent
Aphephilia – Being touched
Apotemnophilia – self-amputee
Arachnephilia – Spiders
Asphyxiophilia – Self-strangulation
Asthenolagnia – Weakness/being humiliated
Audiophilia – Recorded sound
Autagonistophilia – Exposing naked body or genitals to strangers while on stage, while being photographed
Autoassassinophilia – Staging one’s own murder
Autonephioplia – Diapers

B

Belonephilia – Pins/needles/sharp objects
Biastophilia – Violently raping their victims

C

Choreophilia – Dancing to orgasmic release
Chrematistophilia – Having to pay for sex or having a sex partner steal from them, being robbed
Chrysophilia – Gold or gold colored objects (see timophilia)
Claustrophilia – Being confined in a small space
Coprolalia – Using obscene language or writing
Coulrophilia – Clowns
Crurophilia – Legs
Crush fetishism – Seeing small creatures being crushed or being crushed

D

Dacryphilia – Seeing their partner cry
Dendrophilia – Trees or fertility worship of them
Doraphilia – Skin, animal fur, or leather (see hyphephilia)
Dracophilia – Dragons and serpents
Dysmorphophilia – Deformed or physically impaired partners (see teratophilia)

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E

Ecouteurism – Listening to others having sex without permission
Electrophilia – Electricity
Endytophilia – Partners who are clothed
Erotographomania – Writing love poems or letters
Erotophonophilia – Lust murder
Exhibitionism – Showing genitals in public

F

Fetishism – An inanimate object
Fisting – pretty easy to figure out
Formicophilia – Sex play with ants
Frotteurism – Rubbing one’s genitals against or fondling the body parts of a non-consenting person

G

Gerontophilia – Partner whose age is that of different generation
Gynelophilous – Sight/touch of pubic hair (see acomoclitic, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Gymnophilia – Nudity
Gynemimetophilia – Male impersonating a female

H

Haematomania/Hematolagnia – Blood
Hamartophilia – Committing acts you consider to be sinful
Haptephilia – Becoming extremely aroused by being touched
Harmatophilia – Sexual incompetence/mistakes
Harpaxophilia – Being robbed or burglarized (see chrematistophilia)
Hierophilia – Sacred objects
Hirsutophilia – Armpit hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hodophilia – Traveling
Homilophilia – Hearing or giving sermons
Hybristophilia – People who have committed crimes, people who are cruel/outrageous
Hygrophilia – Body fluids or moisture
Hyphephilia – Touching skin, hair, leather, fur, or fabric/specific fabric (see acomoclitic, doraphilia,gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hypoxyphilia – Sexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen

K

Kainotophilia – Change
Kakorrhaphiphilia – Failure
Keraunophilia – Thunder and/or lightning
Kinesophilia – Exercise
Kleptophilia – Stealing
Klismaphilia – Being given an enema
Knismolagnia – Being tickled
Knissophilia – Incense
Kopophilia – Exhaustion

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M

Macrogenitalism – Large genitals
Macrophilia – Giants
Masochism – Being dominated/humiliated
Mastigophilia – Punishment
Megalophilia – Large objects
Merinthophilia – Being bound
Metophilia – Another person’s face
Metrophilia – Poetry
Mysophilia – Filth/foul odors/decaying material

N

Narratophilia – Discussing sex with others
Nasophilia – Noses/nose (see partialism)
Neophilia – Anything new
Normophilia – Acts considered normal by their religion/society
Nyctophilia – Darkness or night

O

Ochlophilia – Being in a crowd
Oculophilia – Eyes (see partialism)
Oculolinctus – Licking their partner’s eyeball
Odaxelagnia – Biting/being bitten
Odontophilia – Tooth extractions/tooth fetish
Ophidicism – Reptiles
Ozolagnia – Powerful scents

P

Parthenophilia – Sex with virgins
Partialism – Specific parts of the body(see alvinolagnia, nasophilia, oculophilia, podophilia)
Pecattiphilia – Sinning/guilt
Pediophilia – Dolls
Phallophilia – Large penis/large penis fetish
Phobophilia – Fear/hate
Phygephilia – Being a fugitive
Pictophilia – Inability to become aroused without pictorial pornography
Plushophilia – Stuffed toys
Podophilia – Feet (see partialism)
Polyiterophilia – Sex with a series of partners
Psychrocism – Cold/ice
Pubephilia – Pubic hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, trichophilia)
Pygmalionis – Rubbing one’s body against a statue/statue/manikins
Pygophilia – Contact with the buttocks
Pyrolagnia – Watching fire
Pyrophilia – Fire or its uses in sex play

R

Retifism – Shoes (see altocalciphilia)
Rhabdophilia – Being flagellated
Robotism – Robots in sex play

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S

Sadism – Dominating/mistreating/humiliating one’s partner
Salirophilia – Ingesting human sweat or saliva (fluids with a salt content)
Scatophilia – Obscene phone calls
Scopophilia – Being watched, watching – same as voyeurism. Has active and passive forms.
Siderodromophilia – Trains
Sitophilia – Using food
Somnophilia – Fondling a stranger in their sleep
Spectrophilia – An image in an mirrors/sex with spirits
Stigmatophilia – Marking one’s own body/inserting foreign objects into it
Symphorophilia – Arranging a crash/disaster/explosion

T

Tantalolagnia – Teasing
Taphephilia – Being buried alive
Teratophilia – Deformed or monstrous people (see dysmorphophilia)
Thesauromania – Collecting women’s clothing
Thlipsosis – Pinching
Timophilia – Gold or wealth (see chrysophilia)
Transformation fetish – Depictions of transformations of people into objects/other beings
Trichophilia – Hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia,)
Triolism – Three-party sex
Troilism – Couples
Tripsolagnophilia – Massage

U

Urtication – Stinging nettles stimulating the skin

V

Vaccinophilia – Being vaccinated
Vicarphilia – Hearing stories about other people’s lives
Vincilagnia – Being tied up
Vorarephilia – Fantasies about being swallowed alive
Voyeurism – Watching others have sex

X

Xenophilia – Strangers

Z

Zelophilia – Jealousy
Zwischenstufe – Person of the same sex

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SOURCES:

  • http://blanketfort.uninhibited.net/fics/kink/kink.html

 

Cuckolding in Nature

A 2001 study of a species of bird (Collared Flycatchers) revealed sperm competition as a source of natural selection. The researchers established the secondary sex characteristics of male Flycatchers, to see which males gathered the most female attention. They were able to determine that the most attractive males were the ones who had the largest white patches on their foreheads.

sperm wars - woman biting lip_cleanedThis is seen in most species of animal. In humans, analogous secondary sex characteristics might be facial masculinity (square jaw, prominent “adams apple”, cleft chin etc), body smell, masculine (deep) voice qualities, and behavioral displays of sexual competitiveness with other males. The biggest indicator of general attractiveness in human beings is the symmetry of ones features, especially facial features.

Let’s go back to the birds for a bit…

So – males with a large patch are more attractive to females. Let’s call them “superior males”, as opposed to the “inferior males” with the smaller forehead patches.

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Like a lot of animals, female Flycatchers pair-bond to a mate of the opposite sex in order to raise her or their offspring. The female wants to choose the most genetically superior mate – the best-looking male. So she will do her best to attract a superior male.

sperm wars - woman looking over shoulder at phone_cleanedIf the female fails to attract a superior male, she will settle for an inferior male. However, when a female is mated to an inferior male, the study showed there was a high chance that in the two days before she started laying eggs she would stop her mate from having intercourse with her, and would instead seek sex with a superior male or males.

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The only females in the study who stayed completely faithful to their mates were the ones with superior males as mates. 40% of the total population of Collared Flycatchers mated with at least one male who was not their mate.

A study of human females showed similar results. The 2005 study showed that women become much more attracted to men she perceives as superior, when she is ovulating or in the fertile phase of her cycle. This particular study showed that a woman’s attraction to her mate, no matter how superior he was, remained fairly constant through her cycle, though other studies have shown an increase in attraction to her mate (particularly to a superior mate) during the fertile phase of her cycle.

sperm wars - three on bench_cleanedThe benefits to a female of breeding with a superior male are obvious – she gets his superior genes to pass on to her offspring.

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The downside for a female Collared Flycatcher is that her mate will help more with raising her offspring if he is more sure that they are his. This is offset by the fact that the inferior male Flycatchers were generally better at parenting than the superior males were in the first place.

The 2005 study points out a similar problem for human females – that even though she may get superior genes, if her partner is jealous of her having sex with another, superior partner, then that jealousy lasts throughout her whole cycle, and may lessen his willingness to support her in raising her children.

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One factor that probably affects human females over birds is the comparatively long child-rearing phase that humans have. It is a bigger risk to a human female to lose the support of their partner than it is for a Flycatcher, whose offspring-rearing duties only extend for a few months. So sex with a superior partner is just as desirable for women, but less likely in practice.

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sperm wars - woman on phone_cleanedThe conclusion of the 2005 study is particularly interesting:

Imagine an experiment that will never be done, one that parallels Rice’s (1996) seminal work on sexually antagonistic coevolution. Suppose that women were allowed to evolve in response to men but men not allowed to adapt to women. After many generations, women would likely gain an edge in the conflicts between the sexes—possibly evolving better means of circumventing male vigilance, reducing the costs of obtaining genetic benefits through extra-pair mating and, accordingly, doing so more often. Alternatively, if men but not women were allowed to evolve, men might evolve better means of detecting women’s ovulation and avoiding cuckoldry, thereby reducing the frequency of women’s extra-pair sex. Of course, neither scenario has occurred; the sexes have coevolved and, most likely, both sex’s genetic interests are compromised by adaptations of the other sex. The mating strategies and tactics of both sexes have possibly undergone substantial revision through rounds of adaptation, counter-adaptation, counter–counter adaptation, etc.

I’ll freely admit I have no studies to back up my own conclusions here (please let me know if you find something for me!). All this makes me wonder about whether cuckolding fetishes are the next evolutionary leap…. backwards, in a way, for men – giving women the evolutionary advantage of being able to gain the genetic benefits AND keep the support of a partner. Polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy may also support women in this way.

Hmmm, I’ll have to give it some more thought. It sounds good to me!

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Foot/Shoe Fetish: Coming Out to a Partner

If you want to confess to a loved one that you have a foot fetish, you want to ease into the revelation.

You don’t need to get technical … at least not at first. Describing your love of feet as a “fetish” or a “paraphilia” can make it seem more strange than it needs to be. Discussing it with your partner/partners sometime between your first date and a serious commitment is best. This way, if your partner reacts negatively, you can decide whether you really want to be in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to express your fetish.

Try making it about her feet, rather than about feet in general. Saying something like “Wow you have gorgeous feet!” and asking if she would like to have a foot massage is most appropriate at first. If that goes fine, move on to touching your partner’s feet during foreplay – seeing how he/she reacts is a good gauge to see what they like and don’t like. If touching seems to evoke a positive reaction, try massaging, both inside and outside sexual contexts.

Stay away from things like licking and sucking at first – these sensations can be intense. Once you do try them with a partner, even if your fetish is for dirty or stinky feet, it can be a good idea to do it first in a context of clean feet – in a bathtub or hot tub, after a shower or after bathing her feet. Many people feel that their feet are a little disgusting from being in shoes or on the ground, and while that might appeal to you, it might be a turn-off for them. If you love dirty or stinky feet, take a while to ease into enjoying them in their natural filthy state.

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Of course – if you have a very dominant or kinky partner, you may be able to take things a lot faster than described above.

If your partner asks questions about your love of feet or shoes, be gentle in your explanation, but be truthful. Make sure your partner knows that you love and desire her, and not just her feet or shoes.  React appropriately to your partner’s feelings. It is most likely that your partner will want more information or need some time to process what you have told them. If your partner is hesitant or negative, then it might be an idea to stay away from her feet the next time you are intimate and ask permission the next time you touch her feet. Let her feel in control of the experience.

However, if your partner is overwhelmingly negative about your fetish, it might be time for you to decide whether this is the relationship for you. However, if you’ve just come out about your fetish to a long term partner who you want to stay with, you might want to ask her if you can explore the boundaries of what is acceptable to her. A partner who is grossed out by the thought of touching her feet to your genitals might be just fine with regular foot massages before sex as part of foreplay. It might also be appropriate for you to see a sex therapist as a couple so that you can have some help in finding middle ground on something that is a very important part of your sexual makeup.

A similar approach can be taken if you have a shoe fetish.

Feel free to give me a call to discuss your fetish and how you are thinking of introducing it to a new or current partner. Sometimes talking it out can be very useful.

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Foot/Shoe Fetishism

Foot fetishes and shoe fetishes are surprisingly commonplace, and not only amongst those who identify as kinky.

It seems that many men, and women too, find something highly erotic about feet and footwear. It doesn’t seem to matter whether you are dominant or submissive, male or female. Some are into the footwear itself, and others find the eroticism in the fact that the footwear encases the foot of a lady – there seems to be a connection between the foot and the psychological connection that, if she wanted to, the lady could walk all over him, barefoot or suitably shod.

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To some people, feet are about the biggest turn-on imaginable. A 2007 study published in the International Journal of Impotence Research found that feet (and their little piggies) were the most highly fetishized body part, with nearly half of the thousands of survey respondents choosing them over all others. Some men like to see pictures of feet, some men like to touch/rub feet, some men like to lick/kiss feet and some men like “footjobs”.

Why? No one is entirely sure.  Some suggest it may simply be that feet lead to legs, and legs lead to genitals. There are some that say the turn on has to do with the assumed dirtiness of feet. They are what we walk around on all day, the very bottom of our body. It’s a taboo and taboo equals turn on.

The most recent research seems to indicate that the area of the brain that is designed to recognize the form and sensation of genitals is right next to the part of the brain that is designed to recognize the form and sensation of feet. Dr Ramachandran of the University of California noted that “phantom limb syndrome” in amputees was sometimes associated with perceiving sexual pleasure in the missing limb.

Shoe fetishes are one of the most commonly encountered in the inanimate-object realm. This fetish is experienced by mostly men, mostly about high heels and sometimes about his partner wearing them during sex. There may be women out there with this fixation, but the majority of shoe fetishists (and fetishists in general, in fact), are men.

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Mapping out Human Sexual Behavior

As a phone sex therapist I get to hear an even bigger range of human sexual behavior and activity than I did when I was just doing regular sex counseling. I think it’s fascinating.

This is a chart of the broader areas of human sexual behavior categories showing the ways different things interconnect and overlap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love this next method of organizing human sexuality – it literally creates a map of it! You can see this map at www.humansexmap.com – and even better it’s interactive, you can pin all the stuff that you have done, or maybe have a look at the areas that already interest you on either of these diagrams and see all the new permutations of your favorite fetishes or activites that you might enjoy!!

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Cuckolding Question: Part Two (Telling your wife The Fantasy)

Last week CUCK asked the following question:


Dear Miss Annalise,

I have a fantasy for years. My wife puts me in the closet and I watch her with a black guy. Then she gets me out and makes me do stuff and makes fun of my tiny cock. Is this really wrong and should I tell her I want to do it and why do I want it?

– Can’t Understand Craving Kink

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Dear CUCK –

Should you tell your wife? If so, how should you go about it?

I help quite a few guys out with this.

My very first advice on this is to have patience and move things slowly. If you have never told your wife anything at all about how you fantasize about sitting in the chair beside your bed and watching that enormous cock pressing against her pussy lips, slowly stretching her out, making her back arch in ecstasy with rock hard nipples and mouth parted in an Ohhhhhhhhhh! – then telling her right out is probably not the best idea… especially if she doesn’t like the idea.

So step one is to work out how receptive your wife is to kink in general, and this kink in particular. With callers I’ll often go over their history of kink – how vanilla or straight has their relationship been so far? Have you ever talked to your wife about this fantasy, even a little? Has she ever cheated on you or had an affair – and if so what happened and does she know you know about it?

If I get some details from you about your specific circumstances I can give you my best guess as to whether she might be up for a cuckolding relationship.

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Step two is determining exactly what you want. Cuckolding takes many forms. You may like all sorts of cuckolding relationships, or your desires might be very specific. If you call me we can work through some role plays and fantasies, dig deeper into your mind and find what you really want from this – and more importantly what you don’t want. For example, you may desperately want a cuckolding relationship, but only if you get to either watch or hear the details later. Or you may want your wife to cheat on you, but want the delicious despair of never knowing when or how, or what or with whom – to just have her drop hints and have you buy her new lingerie when she takes a new lover. Some things to consider:
•Do you want to watch (secretly or openly)?
•Do you want to hear details, or general things, or nothing?
•Do you want her to have a lover, a fuck buddy, or a casual encounter? Do you want to know how she feels about him?
•Do you love the humiliation or embarrassment of it – and if so, do you want her (or me) to rub it in that she’s getting some great cock that you can’t provide for her?
•Do you want to be dominant or submissive in your cuckolding experience? Most guys who call me are submissively inclined, but some guys like a dominant experience, choosing the lover their woman will take and controlling more of the scene. Her submission to him becomes part of her submission to you.
•Are you into him at all – do you want a (forced or voluntary) bi experience? Do you want to fuck him together, or to enjoy him separately? How far do you want to go? (and of course all of this is a completely different level of assessing your wife’s comfort with this aspect of your sexuality).

Above all, do you want this to be a fantasy, or a shared fantasy, or a reality? This is really important. Because you fantasize so strongly about this right now, you might be so focused on it becoming a reality that you don’t think about how it could become a very rich part of your fantasy life. Fantasies risk so much less than trying to play this out in reality. When you play out a cuckold fantasy in real life, a lot of the control goes out of your hands. It is your wife cuckolding you, and what if she wants something a little or even vastly different from what you want in your fantasy right now? Not playing it out in reality doesn’t mean that your cuckolding fantasy cannot be shared. There are many ways that you can play with it in fantasy. Imagine you and your wife coming home from an evening out and discussing a gentleman who was watching her, or even sitting at opposite ends of the bar so you can watch men approach her so that you can fantasize later about what she might have done with them if she had taken them back to your hotel room. Or you can just fantasize about it before or during mutual masturbation with your wife.

The next step depends a lot on your answers in this first part, so please do call me to fine tune things. I can give you examples of how others have dealt with this, and give you more of a woman’s insight into how your proposal might go across.

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If you can’t call right now, some suggestions I can give are:

•Ask her about her own fantasies first. Say you were reading something that was talking about fantasies and that a lot of couples don’t talk about their fantasies that they have during sex, and that you were wondering who or what else she thinks about during sex. Accept whatever answer she gives you, but also be ready for her to ask you in return.
•It always pays to play coy with sharing your fantasies. If your wife does ask you about your fantasies, you can always act embarrassed (you might actually be embarrassed) and say you’ll think about it. Then you have a better chance that she will chase you to find out your fantasy than the other way around.
•Focus on recent fantasies rather than as something you’ve had ongoing for years. I’m not saying to lie, but to perhaps think of some instance such as a particularly horny dream you had about your wife being fucked by that big black cock, and tell her you woke up so horny from that dream and now you’ve been thinking about that for days. Later on you can tell her of other experiences, dreams or fantasies you’ve had. The “dream” scenario is good because it means if she reacts very badly to it you can take it back as “only a dream” and say that you’ve also been disturbed by that thought (which you have, just pleasantly disturbed!)

Lastly, what do you do if your wife does react badly to the idea? Well, again that depends on her reaction, how “bad” it is, and whether there’s any chance that you can amend or reintroduce your suggestion at some point in the future. That’s one reason I strongly suggest approaching the topic very delicately and slowly. I have clients who ring me every week for a progress report on how they are doing and suggestions for their next step, and some of them have success after many months of slow patient devoted work on getting their wives to cuckold them.

Good luck with it, and give me a call if you want some help in working out a plan to have all your dreams come true! 🙂

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Cuckolding Question, Part One (is it “wrong”?)

Dear Miss Annalise,

I have a fantasy for years. My wife puts me in the closet and I watch her with a black guy. Then she gets me out and makes me do stuff and makes fun of my tiny cock. Is this really wrong and should I tell her I want to do it and why do I want it?

– Can’t Understand Craving Kink

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Dear CUCK –

Cuckolding fantasies are wonderful, aren’t they?

I would have to talk to you to get more to the bottom of why you would like your wife to fuck another guy. Feel free to call me anytime about it.

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However, I can give some general reasons which might help you to think about why this fantasy is particularly powerful for you.

1. Small cock fantasies: you mentioned your “tiny cock”. I have a lot of guys call me up about their penis size. Since I’m both a qualified sexual counselor and a phone sex actress, I find this one tricky. Do they want me to tell them the honest statistical truths, do they want to know my personal preferences, or do they want the fantasy – where I tell them they are inadequate and that only an enormous phallus will ever get to penetrate me, not that ridiculously small thing they are grasping so desperately while talking to me.

If that last sentence excited you, chances are you want to work more with fantasy than reality. Just let me know at the beginning of the call, I can play to that for you. Reality is that the average penis size in the US is 5.1 inches, and that’s just fine for most women. Statistically speaking, women say they prefer sexual intimacy over orgasm

However, if you are looking to please a particular type of women, things are very different. There are women who are very much size queens and who won’t have sex with anything smaller than a certain size. You might be fantasizing that you are married to one – or maybe you really are married to a Size Queen.

Your cock may or may not be the preferred size for your wife. She might not care. She might care. The only way to know is to ask. I suspect though, that you’d rather fantasize about it. I’ve had clients with eight inch cocks want to fantasize about being “too small” and to be humiliated for it while their wives laugh and writhe on a truly monster cock. Your actual size is often irrelevant to this fantasy.

2. Humiliation or embarrassment. These are very powerful emotions. The humiliation of being inadequate. The embarrassment of having to sit aside (or even be shoved in a closet) while a real man does the work of satisfying your wife. Any powerful emotion combined with sexual feelings makes for a very very powerful orgasm. It’s easy to get addicted to that feeling. However, you might find that over time you have to fantasize about more and more extreme things in order to get the same high as before, because the mind gets desensitized to the images you created in the beginning. Wanting to turn this from fantasy to reality might be part of that desire to increase your sexual “high”.

3. Making you “do stuff”. Interesting that you didn’t name exactly what she wanted you to do. In your fantasy does she make you “fluff” his cock – to stimulate it with your mouth or hands to get it ready for her? Does she make you put it inside of her? Does she make you clean her genitals (or his) before or after sex? Or does she make you do things that point out you are excluded – such as making you sit in a corner or beside her. Or does she make you do things with him – such as having him fuck you? All these things are parts of some people’s fantasies about cuckolding. Some people like a forced bisexual experience. Others don’t. What’s your preference, and how strong is that preference?

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Is it “wrong”?

This is a bit of a simplistic question. Whether wanting to be cuckolded is immoral, “bad” or undesirable is something only you can decide. I can’t tell you. I can help you to explore your personal values about different aspects of the situation you desire and help you to dicover where they might clash with those values. This can help you make decisions about what elements of fantasy you want to keep and which ones you might want to steer away from.

As for whether you should tell your wife… that’s a whole other issue. I’m out of time for writing this week though, let me get back to you on that one next week. I’ll link to it here. 🙂

Thanks for your question, CUCK. I’ve sent you three free minutes to talk to me. Thank you for supplying your NiteFlirt username when you wrote to me here so that I could do that.

Until we talk in person!

xoxox

Miss Annalise

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[You can read part 2 here.]

Game: Dress-Ups

This game will suit financial domination addicts as well as the transvestite/cross-dresser/girly boys or lovers of fetish gear in general.

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It plays like this:

1.Make a list of every item in an outfit and email it to me. For example, Mike has a barbie outfit with fetish accessories. The first things on his list are: Hair Bow, Pink Collar and Leash, and Barbie Panties.

2.Send me the list. Then call me.

3.I’m going to get you dressed. I will say an item and you have as much time until I say the next item to get that thing on and be ready for me. I may count down the time you have left to put the item on, or I might just wait until I am ready to say the next thing and just say it. 🙂

4.If I say an item that requires another item to be put on first you must state that other item as well and also get it on in time. For example, if I say “sparkly Barbie slippers” then you must say “stockings too” and get both your stockings and your shoes on before I move on to the next item.

5.If you fail to get an item on in time, the game can go several ways (feel free to make a suggestion!):

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◦I will invent a creative punishment.

◦I will almost certainly make you start again.

◦If you like a little financial domination, I might hang up on you, raise my rate, and once you have all your gear off we can start again.

Sound like fun? Call me!

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Masochism ( add photos, edit)

Dear Miss Annalise, I really like it when my boyfriend pinches my nipples, bites me or spanks me during sex. I come so hard when he does that, in a way I don’t when we just have “normal” sex. One of my friends called me a masochist because I like it, and she made is sound like a bad thing.  Am I a masochist?

Uncertain.


Hi Uncertain,

Thanks for the great question!

The criteria  I would use to evaluate whether or not you are a masochist would be based on whether or not you *need* pain to become sexually aroused or do you just enjoy pain while you are aroused?

Pain releases endorphins into your system. That will intensify orgasms and pleasure in general, which is why you are having better orgasms when pain is added.

I don’t tend to believe anything is good or bad in sexual expression. It’s more a question of weighing the consequences of your behavior. Does the stress release, better orgasms and potential intimacy building with your partner outweigh the negatives of bruises/scratches/welts, emotional distress, and potential social stigma? Only you can decide.