Category Archives: Domme – BDSM

Online vs Real Life D/s

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Everyone has an opinion as to which kind of D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship is better: online or real time. Online purists play up their self-discipline and devotion, saying that is much more challenging, and therefore more meaningful, to be faithful to your Master/Mistress in an online relationship than it is in real time. Real-time purists play up the intense, immediate nature of the relationship, saying that real time is much more satisfying because having your Master/Mistress punish you is more satisfying than punishing yourself at the command of someone far away.

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Image7_cleanedIn my opinion, online D/s relationships are good for people with busy lives that don’t have time for real time relationships. Most people desire the intensity of a real-time relationship, but either can’t find someone or don’t have the time to devote to face to face interactions, or they actually want a relationship that is less intense and much more part-time than a real-life D/s relationship often is – and that’s perfectly okay. An online D/s relationship can suit someone who is already in a real-time relationship where their D/s needs are not being met – although I always encourage this in the context of being honest with your partner. It can also be a way of meeting those needs when you live in a small or conservative community where you cannot be “out” as kinky. An online D/s relationship can also be a good way of exploring what you want out of dominance or submission – but keep in mind that an online relationship lives mostly in a fantasy world, and what you want in fantasy can often be very different from what you want in reality.

Playing by yourself, at the direction of the dominant, can require a great deal of self-restraint and self-discipline. When entering a long distance D/s relationship, the aspect that a submissive probably worries about most is how he/she is going to experience the full effect of his/her dominant’s presence when he/she isn’t with the dominant? There is no right answer to this, but there are a variety of games/activities that should please both parties.

Image10_cleanedIn my opinion, real-time relationships have the advantage of intense, ongoing intimacies of a relationship. Punishment becomes immediate. There is a distinct difference between punishing yourself and having your master/mistress punishing you. It meets a craving for human contact and loss of control.

As we all know, BDSM is open to endless interpretations depending on those involved. It is not for me to tell anyone that their way of submitting is not as strong, not as intimate, not as connected or somehow lacking. As submissives I’ve worked with will tell you (see my feedback), I put a lot of effort into making my relationships intense and enduring – if that’s what we both want.

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Slash speak in D/s

Slash speak has become important for some online BDSM relationships. It’s a matter of protocol.

slash speak one_cleanedSlash speak is all about capitalizing pronouns and titles relating to dominants/tops and using lower case for submissives/bottoms. It’s one ritual way that power exchange and respect can be shown in written form.

The slash comes in when both a dominant and a submissive are mentioned together.  An example might be (from an email from one Domme/sub couple to another):

“W/we had a great time on the weekend.  O/our play time was wonderful. Thank Y/you for sharing your space with U/us. W/we would love to play with Y/you again.”

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This is something that is usually negotiated between a Dominant and His or Her submissive.

A submissive might use lowercase for all pronouns and even their name. Their Dom or Domme would do the same for them.

A Dominant is likely to use all upper case: I, Me, She… and capitalize their name as well, when referring to themselves. The submissive would be expected to do the same for their Dominant.

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Image4_cleanedSo, if you know me online in any capacity you will know that I don’t usually do slash speak, except on very specific occasions when I am reinforcing my dominance in a very specific way. Having said that, I don’t mind if you do.  I just think that it can easily be seen whether or not you respect someone by how you talk to them. Polite, respectful, careful speech is the mark of a good submissive, and also of a good Dominant. How a Dom or Domme wishes to be addressed should be a private matter in a D/s relationship. I certainly don’t agree that all submissives should use capitalization with any Dominant.

Firstly, I think there is an implication that Dominants are always superior to submissives. I … don’t agree. I’m superior to my submissives only in the sense that they choose to give themselves over to me. I am not better than them in any sense other than the power exchange that we have chosen, and the skills that I have that are useful to their lives are in many ways equivalent to the skills that they use to serve me – they’re just different.

Secondly, slash speak is just annoyingly difficult to write and to read.

If it helps you to refer to me with capitalizing pronouns, if it helps you hold me in higher regard, then go right ahead. You will find that regardless of how you address me, I will own you in the manner that I please, and will make your submission to me very plain when it is my need to do so.

So tell me: do you use slash speak? In what ways is it important to you in your relationship with your Dominant or your submissive?

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Bondage tips and techniques:

Bondage (the “B” in BDSM) includes a wide variety of techniques.

The most common on stage and screen is tying the wrists and ankles to the bed posts. While this may present a lovely visual, the reality is that that particular position can make it difficult for a female submissive to tilt her pelvis up for sex. It is even more difficult for anal sex on a male or female submissive if they are tied face up.

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This can be remedied a bit by placing a pad, such as a pillow, under the buttocks of the tied submissive before you tie their legs. Alternatively, legs can be pulled up and attached above the submmissive, or up towards their head and arms.

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However, there are many other interesting and stimulating positions in which to tie someone up.

First consider bondage safety.

For the more flexible, athletically inclined, there is tying wrist to ankle. This presents the clitoris and the vagina on a woman and the cock and balls on a man quite nicely, at an angle that makes intercourse, digital play or oral stimulation all comfortable possibilities, especially with a small pillow under the bound person’s butt, if they are on their back. If you have the cords around his/her chest, make sure it is comfortable for them to breathe.

As with any tie, think about the huge variety of positions in which the same tie can be used. Again, think safety, as the submissive cannot use their limbs to support themselves, so be careful to protect your neck and back if you change the position of your submissive while they are bound. It might be safer to undo a tie or two before repositioning.

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For the not so flexible, there is tying wrist to thigh. This still presents the genitals in an enticing way and is comfortable for the bound.This can also be turned into a frog-tie, in which the ankles and thighs are tied together as well. Hands-to-thighs is one of my favorite ties – keeping a submissive controlled, but not … too controlled. 😛

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There is also just tying the hands,  which you can tie in front and then over the head, or behind. If you are tying someone with his/her hands behind them and having them lie on his/her back, make sure and check in on circulation. There is also tying at the elbows, which especially effective if you are have the bound on his/her chest.

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For the more adventurous, there are several other more advanced tying techniques, such as the ball tie, the hog tie, the G-string tie, the overarm tie, and the most famous, Japanese shibari, which is both practical and decorative. Many BDSM clubs have educational talks and demonstrations about different bondage techniques, and there are plenty of books.

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“A song for my Mistress”

No other note with this one other than the title. From my dear little “bug”, who likes to be squished beneath my heel.

As it happens, I swoon for Jamie N Commons’ lovely rough voice. Mmmmhmmm. And the sentiments of this song are delicious. Thank you, littlebug. I shall certainly tell you all of my lies. The passion of this song captures your devotion perfectly. I treasure it. 🙂

Just don’t leave your money at home….

LYRICS:

One look, twice sold, three for the way she looks at me
Held up, let down, she sings me silent melodies
Hair whipped, tight lipped, I’ve been calling out for you
cold sweat, once met, can’t stand the way she looks at me

Don’t you tell me no truths, I want all of your lies
Don’t you tell me no truths, just all of your lies
Don’t you tell me no truths, I want all of your lies
Oh yeah, so give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies

Do the rumble and sway
Do the rumble and sway
Do the rumble and sway

One look, twice bold, three, four, I’m on my knees for her
Held up, let down, she sings me perfect harmonies
She fakes heart breaks, I’d take just a part of you
Those eyes, sweet lies, I’ve been drowning out for you

Don’t you tell me no truths, i want all of your lies
Don’t leave your money at home, just a word to the wise
Don’t you tell me no truths, I want all of your lies
I’m wailing so give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies

So don’t you tell me no truths, I want all of your lies
Don’t you tell me no truths, I want all of your lies
Don’t you tell me no truths, I want all of your lies

Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies

Don’t you tell me no truth, I want all of your lies
Don’t leave your money at home, just a word to the wise
Don’t you tell me no truth, I want all of your lies

Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies
Give me all of your lies

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Am I a masochist?

Dear Miss Annalise, I really like it when my boyfriend pinches my nipples, bites me or spanks me during sex. I come so hard when he does that, in a way I don’t when we just have “normal” sex. One of my friends called me a masochist because I like it, and she made is sound like a bad thing.  Am I a masochist?

Uncertain

 

Hi Uncertain,,

Thanks for the great question! The criteria  I would use to evaluate whether or not you are a masochist would be based in whether or not you needed pain to become sexually aroused or do you just enjoy pain while you are aroused?

Pain releases endorphins into your system. That will intensify orgasms, which is why you are having better orgasms when pain is added.

I don’t tend to believe anything is good or bad in sexual expression. It’s more a question of weighing the consequences of your behavior. Does the stress release, better orgasms and potential intimacy building with your partner outweigh the negatives of bruises/scratches/welts, emotional distress and potential social stigma? Only you can decide.

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Findom Stories: One Finsub’s Story of Getting Out of Findom

Callers to my Findom Therapy line will often want quite opposite things. This is a very natural thing when it comes to sexual (or any other type) of addiction.

Of *course* you want to be completely cash ravished. It makes you hard just reading these words.

Often though there is another goal. For many findom addicts, it is to keep their spending within a certain limit while still feeling the total addicting mindblowing orgasms that they get from Findom. Often it’s also trying to NOT get that terrible “Oh shit, what have I done? Again!!!” feeling that happens right after that high.

For some Findom submissives, it’s to get out of financial domination altogether because they can’t afford it in so many areas of their lives. Even though it sounds completely counterproductive (i.e. not profitable for me) I will help such submissives find other more productive ways to play out their submission in their lives, including financial submission that is more in line with their needs and desires.

What can you expect from therapy with me? Well, that depends on what you want. At first, I’ll help you establish goals, and continue to define them as we go along. What I want is what you feel is best for you.

Beware, though – as Steve says below, just because I care and want to help you doesn’t mean I’m not also excellent as a FinDomme. *grin*

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FROM STEVE:

My descent into the Findom world was slow. It started with some normal calls to Mistresses. I was always turned on by humiliation but the amount of money I was paying was never a focus of mine. I can’t really say what happened but I guess I must have called some Mistresses who without me asking for it decided that they were going to make me pay more than just the regular price of the call. They were either going to raise the rate or make me tribute them. As time went on paying became a central focus of most of my calls. The excitement was no longer there unless my wallet was getting raped by the Mistress.

It was never enough though. What started as a few days a month habit turned into a few days every week and then became almost a nightly ritual. I was so addicted that I didn’t really comprehend the insane amounts of money I was wasting on this and how much of my time I was spending. I couldn’t see how it was affecting my relationship with my wife and my family. No longer could I have a normal domination call. If a Mistress wasn’t taking my money I wouldn’t be able to cum.

At some point the credit card balances really started to add up and I knew I had a big problem. It was not enough to make me stop. One day I saw a NiteFlirt page for financial domination therapy. I decided to give it a call. I can’t honestly tell you what I expected. I don’t know whether I knew it was going to be a trick or not. But I called. And after the Mistress pretended she was concerned about my addiction for a few minutes she turned the tables on me and took me for hundreds of dollars.

Calling these so called therapists became somewhat of a fetish in itself. I was so excited to see exactly what the therapist would do and how they would get inside my head only to take advantage of me. Then one day I came across Mistress Annalise’s page. I did not know it at the time but my life was going to change. We discussed my addiction and although it became a domination call she did not take me for a lot of money. Over time I would call her and we would act out very exciting fantasies involving financial domination but she kept the fantasy all in my head. She was not actually making me pay anything more that the price of the phone call.

Mistress Annalise has such a sexy voice and her accent makes me feel so submissive. No matter what we talk about it is always a hot time. As I said she would not make me pay more than the price of the call – except for once. One time she had me in such a submissive state I was sending tributes to her one after another. So if you are not looking for therapy but actually want to get a good wallet fucking then she is great at that too.

After a time she told me I should see a therapist in person. I told her she was crazy. But she kept at it and in a little while, I found myself actually doing it. Since then things have really started to improve. I am not cured by any means. Every day is a struggle. But I can see myself winning those struggles more and more. I still keep in pretty regular contact with Mistress Annalise although it is more and more by email and not calls. She has been extremely generous with her time. I really owe a lot to her. I am very lucky to have found her.

When I first called her part of me wanted help and part of me wanted to get taken advantage of. She really could have gone in either direction. But she decided to help me and I am glad she did. If she hadn’t I am sure I would still be calling Findoms every night and wasting my money.

Steve

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Masochism ( add photos, edit)

Dear Miss Annalise, I really like it when my boyfriend pinches my nipples, bites me or spanks me during sex. I come so hard when he does that, in a way I don’t when we just have “normal” sex. One of my friends called me a masochist because I like it, and she made is sound like a bad thing.  Am I a masochist?

Uncertain.


Hi Uncertain,

Thanks for the great question!

The criteria  I would use to evaluate whether or not you are a masochist would be based on whether or not you *need* pain to become sexually aroused or do you just enjoy pain while you are aroused?

Pain releases endorphins into your system. That will intensify orgasms and pleasure in general, which is why you are having better orgasms when pain is added.

I don’t tend to believe anything is good or bad in sexual expression. It’s more a question of weighing the consequences of your behavior. Does the stress release, better orgasms and potential intimacy building with your partner outweigh the negatives of bruises/scratches/welts, emotional distress, and potential social stigma? Only you can decide.

Fun with a subbie

Teasing a little cumswallowing subbie this morning. I know it sounds counterproductive – if $$$ were the bottom line I’d have had him on the phone instantly – but I do love the way that he prostrates himself before me when I tease, but don’t let him cum for me. He’s so full of lovely ideas of ways I could torture him further. Definitely worth my time doing this every once in a while.

There he goes – off to work dripping. Seems like he won’t have time to cum for Me until five days from now. Oh well. 😀

he: im pretty desperate right now lol. when that sets in you can just about make me do anything lol
Miss Annalise: yep
he: its bad. im pathetic
Miss Annalise: uh huh. (grin )
he: vulnerable and horny.  what do you want me to do mistress – what ever you want please let me cum lol
Miss Annalise: Nope.
he: lol i wasnt asking just saying lol. just explaining Im at take level right now because its been days like 7 since i cam and you could do anything now
Miss Annalise: and I am.

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