Who doesn’t love gifts?
If you feel the need to supplement your devotion/servitude or show your gratitude by purchasing a gift, please do so! My Wish List can be found at the bottom of any of my NiteFlirt listings, or alternatively you can just click here.
The link will take you to my main Wish List, which is full of fun sexy toys and such.
However, if you look down the left-hand side of the page, you will see several other Wish Lists that I have as well. You can also find my Wish Lists at the bottom of any of my NiteFlirt listings:
Some clients or submissives feel the need to get me sexy things, perhaps because they want to be felt in my bedroom or dungeon. Others would rather have a greater impact on my daily life, and so choose from my Everyday Wish List.
If you really want to please me, just buy any item from my YES PLEASE! Wish List, which is full of photography gear. I’m an avid photographer and am always looking for the next fun piece of photography gear to play with.
Don’t have money for a gift? I love feedback on NF as well, or just a lovely email of appreciation!
My birthday falls on the 26th of January. It’s super easy to remember: it’s also Australia Day!!
I am often asked what I want most from my Wish Lists. That depends a lot on your budget, and what sort of thing you want to buy me. NO EXCUSES: There is a list for every budget! My wish list items all have notes on them so you can know how much I want any particular item.
Please allow an extra 3-4 days for items to reach me after Amazon says they are delivered. My Wish List items are delivered to my Denver post office box, and then forwarded to my home address in New Mexico from there.
Here are some of my other lists:
Mmmmm, to those of you who knew it was my birthday today, and sent birthday wishes or gifts – thank you!!
Shawn – the legwarmers are deliciously soft and SO long – I love them!
Mousie – good boy, that red bondage rope is amazing!!!
Kier, Steve, Jo and Shane – thank you for the Amazon gift cards. I almost have enough now for my new camera lens!!! I’m so excited!!
Brian – ohmy! I love my package of Aussie food treats! I had an Australia day party last night, and let people try a little sampling of everything and they loved it! Selfishly, I’m keeping most of it myself. I shall be nibbling on things for months! 😀
And of course, all the birthday wishes on my phone line have been delicious as well. Did you miss my birthday? No worries, give me a call anyway!
I get a lot of calls from people who want to tell a fantasy to a partner, but they are scared to do so.
It’s a valid concern. Once you’ve told your partner what you are into sexually, you can’t take it back. If it causes problems in your relationship, if your partner is squicked-out by your revelation, it’s almost impossible to back down.
There are some covert ways of checking out your partner’s reaction to your fetish. This one works particularly well if she has absolutely no idea what you are into.
First – you need to have some idea about what your fetish means to you. Many fetishes and fantasies have lots of layers. You may fantasize about what you really want to do, or you may want the fantasy to only stay in your head, and maybe to play with the idea verbally during sex. You might want something in between – like the guy who wants his wife to fuck him with a strap-on and tell him to imagine that it’s a real cock. Or maybe she just wants him to finger himself, or for her to finger his arse while they do other sex talk and play.
Your reasons behind your fetish can be important too. In the above example, the fantasy might be about dominance or bisexuality, or just how great anal sex feels especially for guys (yes, I have prostate envy). It’s important to know, because once you open up about your fantasy, your partner will probably have questions. Feel free to give me a call to talk about your fantasies and what they might mean to you in practical terms.
One way of introducing an idea to your partner is to pretend to have a dream about it. If you’re spending a lot of time fantasizing, chances are you don’t even pretend to have a dream. Wait until a time when your partner is in a fairly relaxed mood – in the morning can be good, because that’s when it’s most logical to talk about a dream. Mention you just had the weirdest hot dream. If they don’t ask you about the dream, now may not be the time to introduce it. You can always wait until another time and say “Hey, remember that dream I had? I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’d love to share it with you and see what you think.”
When your partner is ready, share the most basic simple form of your fantasy that you can. If you’re dreaming of deep throating your partners stiletto heels, maybe start with a dream you had of kissing and licking her toes through her peep-toes first. Try and tell it as neutrally as you can while you wait for your partner’s reaction.
Your partner’s reaction determines what you will do next.
The great thing about the Fantasy Dream is that if your partner reacts extremely negatively, to the point that you think you will never be able to introduce this idea in even its basic idea to your relationship, then you can simply say “Yeah, I wonder what movie my mind got that from! That’s so fucked up!” Then you can go and have a think about what impact this will have on you and your relationship if you can’t play this out within your relationship.
If your partner reacts only slightly negatively, there’s still some hope that you might be able to introduce the topic in the future. Keep in mind that just talking about sex is something that most people find terribly difficult. Your partner may not be reacting to your revelation, but to their own discomfort with talking about anything sexual.
Then, of course, there is the chance that your partner will react positively. If you’re very lucky, they will initiate incorporating some of it into your sex life.
If you want to discuss any of this with me, feel free to call me any time that I am available:
Everyone has an opinion as to which kind of D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship is better: online or real time. Online purists play up their self-discipline and devotion, saying that is much more challenging, and therefore more meaningful, to be faithful to your Master/Mistress in an online relationship than it is in real time. Real-time purists play up the intense, immediate nature of the relationship, saying that real time is much more satisfying because having your Master/Mistress punish you is more satisfying than punishing yourself at the command of someone far away.
In my opinion, online D/s relationships are good for people with busy lives that don’t have time for real time relationships. Most people desire the intensity of a real-time relationship, but either can’t find someone or don’t have the time to devote to face to face interactions, or they actually want a relationship that is less intense and much more part-time than a real-life D/s relationship often is – and that’s perfectly okay. An online D/s relationship can suit someone who is already in a real-time relationship where their D/s needs are not being met – although I always encourage this in the context of being honest with your partner. It can also be a way of meeting those needs when you live in a small or conservative community where you cannot be “out” as kinky. An online D/s relationship can also be a good way of exploring what you want out of dominance or submission – but keep in mind that an online relationship lives mostly in a fantasy world, and what you want in fantasy can often be very different from what you want in reality.
Playing by yourself, at the direction of the dominant, can require a great deal of self-restraint and self-discipline. When entering a long distance D/s relationship, the aspect that a submissive probably worries about most is how he/she is going to experience the full effect of his/her dominant’s presence when he/she isn’t with the dominant? There is no right answer to this, but there are a variety of games/activities that should please both parties.
In my opinion, real-time relationships have the advantage of intense, ongoing intimacies of a relationship. Punishment becomes immediate. There is a distinct difference between punishing yourself and having your master/mistress punishing you. It meets a craving for human contact and loss of control.
As we all know, BDSM is open to endless interpretations depending on those involved. It is not for me to tell anyone that their way of submitting is not as strong, not as intimate, not as connected or somehow lacking. As submissives I’ve worked with will tell you (see my feedback), I put a lot of effort into making my relationships intense and enduring – if that’s what we both want.
Slash speak has become important for some online BDSM relationships. It’s a matter of protocol.
Slash speak is all about capitalizing pronouns and titles relating to dominants/tops and using lower case for submissives/bottoms. It’s one ritual way that power exchange and respect can be shown in written form.
The slash comes in when both a dominant and a submissive are mentioned together. An example might be (from an email from one Domme/sub couple to another):
“W/we had a great time on the weekend. O/our play time was wonderful. Thank Y/you for sharing your space with U/us. W/we would love to play with Y/you again.”
This is something that is usually negotiated between a Dominant and His or Her submissive.
A submissive might use lowercase for all pronouns and even their name. Their Dom or Domme would do the same for them.
A Dominant is likely to use all upper case: I, Me, She… and capitalize their name as well, when referring to themselves. The submissive would be expected to do the same for their Dominant.
So, if you know me online in any capacity you will know that I don’t usually do slash speak, except on very specific occasions when I am reinforcing my dominance in a very specific way. Having said that, I don’t mind if you do. I just think that it can easily be seen whether or not you respect someone by how you talk to them. Polite, respectful, careful speech is the mark of a good submissive, and also of a good Dominant. How a Dom or Domme wishes to be addressed should be a private matter in a D/s relationship. I certainly don’t agree that all submissives should use capitalization with any Dominant.
Firstly, I think there is an implication that Dominants are always superior to submissives. I … don’t agree. I’m superior to my submissives only in the sense that they choose to give themselves over to me. I am not better than them in any sense other than the power exchange that we have chosen, and the skills that I have that are useful to their lives are in many ways equivalent to the skills that they use to serve me – they’re just different.
Secondly, slash speak is just annoyingly difficult to write and to read.
If it helps you to refer to me with capitalizing pronouns, if it helps you hold me in higher regard, then go right ahead. You will find that regardless of how you address me, I will own you in the manner that I please, and will make your submission to me very plain when it is my need to do so.
So tell me: do you use slash speak? In what ways is it important to you in your relationship with your Dominant or your submissive?
Bondage (the “B” in BDSM) includes a wide variety of techniques.
The most common on stage and screen is tying the wrists and ankles to the bed posts. While this may present a lovely visual, the reality is that that particular position can make it difficult for a female submissive to tilt her pelvis up for sex. It is even more difficult for anal sex on a male or female submissive if they are tied face up.
This can be remedied a bit by placing a pad, such as a pillow, under the buttocks of the tied submissive before you tie their legs. Alternatively, legs can be pulled up and attached above the submmissive, or up towards their head and arms.
However, there are many other interesting and stimulating positions in which to tie someone up.
First consider bondage safety.
For the more flexible, athletically inclined, there is tying wrist to ankle. This presents the clitoris and the vagina on a woman and the cock and balls on a man quite nicely, at an angle that makes intercourse, digital play or oral stimulation all comfortable possibilities, especially with a small pillow under the bound person’s butt, if they are on their back. If you have the cords around his/her chest, make sure it is comfortable for them to breathe.
As with any tie, think about the huge variety of positions in which the same tie can be used. Again, think safety, as the submissive cannot use their limbs to support themselves, so be careful to protect your neck and back if you change the position of your submissive while they are bound. It might be safer to undo a tie or two before repositioning.
For the not so flexible, there is tying wrist to thigh. This still presents the genitals in an enticing way and is comfortable for the bound.This can also be turned into a frog-tie, in which the ankles and thighs are tied together as well. Hands-to-thighs is one of my favorite ties – keeping a submissive controlled, but not … too controlled. 😛
There is also just tying the hands, which you can tie in front and then over the head, or behind. If you are tying someone with his/her hands behind them and having them lie on his/her back, make sure and check in on circulation. There is also tying at the elbows, which especially effective if you are have the bound on his/her chest.
For the more adventurous, there are several other more advanced tying techniques, such as the ball tie, the hog tie, the G-string tie, the overarm tie, and the most famous, Japanese shibari, which is both practical and decorative. Many BDSM clubs have educational talks and demonstrations about different bondage techniques, and there are plenty of books.
There are many different fetish lists online. Honestly, the list of fetishes is infinite – people can get turned on by practically anything.
I’m going to be updating this entry over time. I recently got my hands on a copy of “Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual Practices”, which has the world’s most comprehensive current list of documented fetishes. I am gradually adding in the items from there, as well as definitions from a multitude of other online lists. Enjoy!
[* Niteflirt forbids discussions of certain topics. Items marked with * might not be able to be discussed through that site.]
Abasiophilia – Love of (or sexual attraction to) people who use leg braces or other orthopedic appliances
Ablutophilia – Baths or showers
Acarophilia – Scratching
Achluophilia – Arousal from darkness.
Acomoclitic – Hairless genitals (see gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Acousticophilia – Arousal from certain sounds (particularly someone screaming in agony).
Acrophilia – High places
Acousticophilia – Aroused by sounds
Acrotomophilia – Amputee partner
Actirasty – Exposure to the sun’s rays
Adolescentilism* – Arousal from cross-dressing, or playing the role of an adolescent.
Afophilia – Sexual stimulation via touch
Agalmatophilia/Pygmalionism – Statues/manikins or immobility
Agonophilia – Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay
Agoraphilia – Sex in public places
Agrexophilia – Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities
Aichmophilia – arousal from needles or other pointed objects
Ailurophilia* – Deriving sexual satisfaction from cats (Also Aelurophilia).
Akophilia – sexual stimulation through hearing.
Albutophilia – Arousal from water
Algolagnia/Algalagnia/Algophilia – Love of pain – either of inflicting physical or emotional pain on another, or desiring to receive it oneself.
Allopellia – Having an orgasm from watching others have sex.
Allorgasmia – Fantasizing about someone other than one’s partner
Allotriorasty – Partners of other nations or races
Alphmegamia – Older men or attraction to partners of another age group.
Altocalciphilia – High heels (see retifism)
Alvinolagnia – Stomachs (see partialism)
Amatripsis – Masturbation by rubbing labia together.
Amaurophilia – Partner who is unable to see them during sex, blind/blindfolded sex partner
Amaxophilia -Attraction to riding in cars or vehicles
Amelotasis – Attraction to someone who has lost a limb.
Anaclitism – Activities or items one was exposed to as an infant
Anasteemaphilia – Taller or shorter partners
Androidism – Robots with human features
Anophelorastia – Defiling or ravaging a partner
Antholagnia – Floral scent
Aphephilia – Being touched
Apotemnophilia – self-amputee
Arachnephilia – Spiders
Asphyxiophilia – Self-strangulation
Asthenolagnia – Weakness/being humiliated
Audiophilia – Recorded sound
Autagonistophilia – Exposing naked body or genitals to strangers while on stage, while being photographed
Autoassassinophilia – Staging one’s own murder
Autonephioplia – Diapers
Belonephilia – Pins/needles/sharp objects
Biastophilia – Violently raping their victims
Choreophilia – Dancing to orgasmic release
Chrematistophilia – Having to pay for sex or having a sex partner steal from them, being robbed
Chrysophilia – Gold or gold colored objects (see timophilia)
Claustrophilia – Being confined in a small space
Coprolalia – Using obscene language or writing
Coulrophilia – Clowns
Crurophilia – Legs
Crush fetishism – Seeing small creatures being crushed or being crushed
Dacryphilia – Seeing their partner cry
Dendrophilia – Trees or fertility worship of them
Doraphilia – Skin, animal fur, or leather (see hyphephilia)
Dracophilia – Dragons and serpents
Dysmorphophilia – Deformed or physically impaired partners (see teratophilia)
Ecouteurism – Listening to others having sex without permission
Electrophilia – Electricity
Endytophilia – Partners who are clothed
Erotographomania – Writing love poems or letters
Erotophonophilia – Lust murder
Exhibitionism – Showing genitals in public
Fetishism – An inanimate object
Fisting – pretty easy to figure out
Formicophilia – Sex play with ants
Frotteurism – Rubbing one’s genitals against or fondling the body parts of a non-consenting person
Gerontophilia – Partner whose age is that of different generation
Gynelophilous – Sight/touch of pubic hair (see acomoclitic, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Gymnophilia – Nudity
Gynemimetophilia – Male impersonating a female
Haematomania/Hematolagnia – Blood
Hamartophilia – Committing acts you consider to be sinful
Haptephilia – Becoming extremely aroused by being touched
Harmatophilia – Sexual incompetence/mistakes
Harpaxophilia – Being robbed or burglarized (see chrematistophilia)
Hierophilia – Sacred objects
Hirsutophilia – Armpit hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hodophilia – Traveling
Homilophilia – Hearing or giving sermons
Hybristophilia – People who have committed crimes, people who are cruel/outrageous
Hygrophilia – Body fluids or moisture
Hyphephilia – Touching skin, hair, leather, fur, or fabric/specific fabric (see acomoclitic, doraphilia,gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hypoxyphilia – Sexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen
Kainotophilia – Change
Kakorrhaphiphilia – Failure
Keraunophilia – Thunder and/or lightning
Kinesophilia – Exercise
Kleptophilia – Stealing
Klismaphilia – Being given an enema
Knismolagnia – Being tickled
Knissophilia – Incense
Kopophilia – Exhaustion
Macrogenitalism – Large genitals
Macrophilia – Giants
Masochism – Being dominated/humiliated
Mastigophilia – Punishment
Megalophilia – Large objects
Merinthophilia – Being bound
Metophilia – Another person’s face
Metrophilia – Poetry
Mysophilia – Filth/foul odors/decaying material
Narratophilia – Discussing sex with others
Nasophilia – Noses/nose (see partialism)
Neophilia – Anything new
Normophilia – Acts considered normal by their religion/society
Nyctophilia – Darkness or night
Ochlophilia – Being in a crowd
Oculophilia – Eyes (see partialism)
Oculolinctus – Licking their partner’s eyeball
Odaxelagnia – Biting/being bitten
Odontophilia – Tooth extractions/tooth fetish
Ophidicism – Reptiles
Ozolagnia – Powerful scents
Parthenophilia – Sex with virgins
Partialism – Specific parts of the body(see alvinolagnia, nasophilia, oculophilia, podophilia)
Pecattiphilia – Sinning/guilt
Pediophilia – Dolls
Phallophilia – Large penis/large penis fetish
Phobophilia – Fear/hate
Phygephilia – Being a fugitive
Pictophilia – Inability to become aroused without pictorial pornography
Plushophilia – Stuffed toys
Podophilia – Feet (see partialism)
Polyiterophilia – Sex with a series of partners
Psychrocism – Cold/ice
Pubephilia – Pubic hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, trichophilia)
Pygmalionis – Rubbing one’s body against a statue/statue/manikins
Pygophilia – Contact with the buttocks
Pyrolagnia – Watching fire
Pyrophilia – Fire or its uses in sex play
Retifism – Shoes (see altocalciphilia)
Rhabdophilia – Being flagellated
Robotism – Robots in sex play
Sadism – Dominating/mistreating/humiliating one’s partner
Salirophilia – Ingesting human sweat or saliva (fluids with a salt content)
Scatophilia – Obscene phone calls
Scopophilia – Being watched, watching – same as voyeurism. Has active and passive forms.
Siderodromophilia – Trains
Sitophilia – Using food
Somnophilia – Fondling a stranger in their sleep
Spectrophilia – An image in an mirrors/sex with spirits
Stigmatophilia – Marking one’s own body/inserting foreign objects into it
Symphorophilia – Arranging a crash/disaster/explosion
Tantalolagnia – Teasing
Taphephilia – Being buried alive
Teratophilia – Deformed or monstrous people (see dysmorphophilia)
Thesauromania – Collecting women’s clothing
Thlipsosis – Pinching
Timophilia – Gold or wealth (see chrysophilia)
Transformation fetish – Depictions of transformations of people into objects/other beings
Trichophilia – Hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia,)
Triolism – Three-party sex
Troilism – Couples
Tripsolagnophilia – Massage
Urtication – Stinging nettles stimulating the skin
Vaccinophilia – Being vaccinated
Vicarphilia – Hearing stories about other people’s lives
Vincilagnia – Being tied up
Vorarephilia – Fantasies about being swallowed alive
Voyeurism – Watching others have sex
Xenophilia – Strangers
Zelophilia – Jealousy
Zwischenstufe – Person of the same sex
A 2001 study of a species of bird (Collared Flycatchers) revealed sperm competition as a source of natural selection. The researchers established the secondary sex characteristics of male Flycatchers, to see which males gathered the most female attention. They were able to determine that the most attractive males were the ones who had the largest white patches on their foreheads.
This is seen in most species of animal. In humans, analogous secondary sex characteristics might be facial masculinity (square jaw, prominent “adams apple”, cleft chin etc), body smell, masculine (deep) voice qualities, and behavioral displays of sexual competitiveness with other males. The biggest indicator of general attractiveness in human beings is the symmetry of ones features, especially facial features.
Let’s go back to the birds for a bit…
So – males with a large patch are more attractive to females. Let’s call them “superior males”, as opposed to the “inferior males” with the smaller forehead patches.
Like a lot of animals, female Flycatchers pair-bond to a mate of the opposite sex in order to raise her or their offspring. The female wants to choose the most genetically superior mate – the best-looking male. So she will do her best to attract a superior male.
If the female fails to attract a superior male, she will settle for an inferior male. However, when a female is mated to an inferior male, the study showed there was a high chance that in the two days before she started laying eggs she would stop her mate from having intercourse with her, and would instead seek sex with a superior male or males.
The only females in the study who stayed completely faithful to their mates were the ones with superior males as mates. 40% of the total population of Collared Flycatchers mated with at least one male who was not their mate.
A study of human females showed similar results. The 2005 study showed that women become much more attracted to men she perceives as superior, when she is ovulating or in the fertile phase of her cycle. This particular study showed that a woman’s attraction to her mate, no matter how superior he was, remained fairly constant through her cycle, though other studies have shown an increase in attraction to her mate (particularly to a superior mate) during the fertile phase of her cycle.
The downside for a female Collared Flycatcher is that her mate will help more with raising her offspring if he is more sure that they are his. This is offset by the fact that the inferior male Flycatchers were generally better at parenting than the superior males were in the first place.
The 2005 study points out a similar problem for human females – that even though she may get superior genes, if her partner is jealous of her having sex with another, superior partner, then that jealousy lasts throughout her whole cycle, and may lessen his willingness to support her in raising her children.
One factor that probably affects human females over birds is the comparatively long child-rearing phase that humans have. It is a bigger risk to a human female to lose the support of their partner than it is for a Flycatcher, whose offspring-rearing duties only extend for a few months. So sex with a superior partner is just as desirable for women, but less likely in practice.
Imagine an experiment that will never be done, one that parallels Rice’s (1996) seminal work on sexually antagonistic coevolution. Suppose that women were allowed to evolve in response to men but men not allowed to adapt to women. After many generations, women would likely gain an edge in the conflicts between the sexes—possibly evolving better means of circumventing male vigilance, reducing the costs of obtaining genetic benefits through extra-pair mating and, accordingly, doing so more often. Alternatively, if men but not women were allowed to evolve, men might evolve better means of detecting women’s ovulation and avoiding cuckoldry, thereby reducing the frequency of women’s extra-pair sex. Of course, neither scenario has occurred; the sexes have coevolved and, most likely, both sex’s genetic interests are compromised by adaptations of the other sex. The mating strategies and tactics of both sexes have possibly undergone substantial revision through rounds of adaptation, counter-adaptation, counter–counter adaptation, etc.
I’ll freely admit I have no studies to back up my own conclusions here (please let me know if you find something for me!). All this makes me wonder about whether cuckolding fetishes are the next evolutionary leap…. backwards, in a way, for men – giving women the evolutionary advantage of being able to gain the genetic benefits AND keep the support of a partner. Polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy may also support women in this way.
Hmmm, I’ll have to give it some more thought. It sounds good to me!
The fantastic Monty Python Skit – “Sit on My Face”:
Posted especially for the stupid new porn regulations in England recently. No face-sitting in porn, because it might be dangerous to try it at home! *eyeroll*
Now for something completely different… I’ve thought of doing a Monty Python Phone Sex Line. I’d be a-woman-playing-a-man-playing-a-woman! Can you imagine it? “Ooooo, is you widdle dicky all hard, sweetie?”
What do you think? Should I do it? 😛