Dear Miss Annalise, I really like it when my boyfriend pinches my nipples, bites me or spanks me during sex. I come so hard when he does that, in a way I don’t when we just have “normal” sex. One of my friends called me a masochist because I like it, and she made is sound like a bad thing. Am I a masochist?
Thanks for the great question! The criteria I would use to evaluate whether or not you are a masochist would be based in whether or not you needed pain to become sexually aroused or do you just enjoy pain while you are aroused? A masochist needs pain to become sexually aroused. Some people just enjoy the intensity that pain can bring to sex, and/or the intimacy of submitting to a partner in this way.
Pain releases endorphins into your system. That will intensify orgasms, which is why you are having better orgasms when pain is added.
I don’t tend to believe anything is good or bad in sexual expression. It’s more a question of weighing the consequences of your behavior. What are the negatives for you? Are they big negatives, or small ones, or not a negative at all. Negatives for some people might include physical markings, the shame or stigma of others being able to see physical markings, emotional distress (such as “sub drop” on the other side of play)?
How do those negatives balance out against the great things you get out of this?
Feel free to give me a call and talk it out some more. I’ll support you however I can.